Worth of Women - 10 Things

I am going to share a slightly more personal story with all of you, but during my first year of college, there was a week when my building of girls was given this challenge to do this sort of "Health Week." We were given this list that explained what we should do so we could be healthy in all aspects of our life. So one day was like eating healthy so we could be healthy physically. Another day was like read your scriptures to be spiritually healthy. And so on. I don't know how many girls actually did it; I know I tried but I certainly didn't do it every day. But the one day I still remember very clearly was when we were supposed to write down 10 things we liked about ourselves. I think it was part of being emotionally healthy. And so I sat down to write 10 things I liked about myself.

And I couldn't do it.

I realized that I didn't like myself. I didn't have 10 qualities that I liked about myself in that moment. And it shocked me. It was the first time it dawned on me how much I did not like myself. I knew that God didn't want it to be like that. I knew God didn't want me to hate myself. And so I said a prayer and after a long time of pondering about it, I finally came up with a list of 10 things I liked about myself though it wasn't easy. And I started praying every night for Heavenly Father to show me what He liked about me, to help me like myself.

On the mission, I started doing that again with another companion. Each night we wrote down 10 things we liked about ourselves. Not very long after, I started studying intensely the worth of women. What makes women special? I hear it all the time in conference talks. "You women are beautiful! You women are great!" But what makes us beautiful? What makes us great?

I could probably write a book on what I've learned, but I have condensed it to ten things.

Here are my 10 things I like about myself and that make women beautiful:

1. Faith

Whether you think you have faith or not, women you have a great potential to have faith. Men may have the priesthood, but you have extraordinary faith. It is not just faith to see miracles, but the kind of faith that permeates. The kind of faith that is catching. The kind of faith that when other's hear your testimony, they feel the spirit. They SEE your faith. I love my faith. I love how much it has grown on my mission. I love the lessons I learned about it. If there is anything I love more about myself it is my testimony. It is my love for the gospel, my desire to return to my Heavenly Father. 

2. Spiritually Sensitive

Elder M. Russell Ballard said "Our sister leaders have a spiritual sensitivity that will prompt them how to best approach and nurture those whom the missionaries are teaching." Said an apostle of the Lord! We sisters are spiritually sensitive. And I love that about myself. I love that I can feel the spirit and that I am quick to sense when it is gone. I love that I am sensitive to other's needs.

3. Compassionate

Women have an amazing ability to be compassionate. It is just in our nature to be so. As such, we form the largest women's organization in the world: The Relief Society. A society for women to bring relief and compassion to people all over the world. There is no other organization quite like it. I love that I am a part of the Relief Society, and I love that I have compassion.

4. Virtuous

"Women bring with them into the world a certain virtue, a divine gift that makes them adept at

instilling such qualities as faith, courage, empathy, and refinement in relationships and in cultures." -Elder D. Todd Christoffserson

Elder Christofferson also calls this the moral force of women. I know that I have that within me too. I am virtuous and I love that about me. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10)

5. The Power to be Mothers

I have often heard that we women are so great because we get to create life. But it is more than that. God created a magnificent plan for us to come down to earth and continue our education here, to receive bodies, and continue to progress so we could someday become like him. But an essential part of this plan was that we would forget everything from our old life, everything of who we were and how great we were. We would come to a world where we would no longer be in the presence of our dear Father, and we would have temptations on all sides to try to keep us from getting back to our Father. And we wouldn't even remember anything!!

BUT God didn't send us down to earth with nothing. He gave us a very special gift to help us get through this life. He gave us mothers.

Mothers are God's secret weapons. Mothers are our greatest protection and fortification. Mothers not only bring us into the world, but they teach us how to live in this world. They remind us of who we used to be, of our potential, and who we still are. They teach us how to correctly use these bodies which are so important and essential in the plan of Salvation. So mothers not only are partners with God in the creation of our bodies, but they teach us how to correctly use them and live in this world where we can't remember anything of our past life. What a grand and important role mothers have in the great Plan of Salvation. I am not a mother, but I love the fact that someday I know I will be. Whether in this life or the next, I will be a mother.

6. Strength

It is interesting that while men are stronger than women physically in many aspects, studies show that women actually tend to be healthier than men, are less likely to have cancer than men, live longer than men, and as infants, girls are generally healthier than boys and are born with less physical problems. We don't know why. But I have a few guesses. One guess is that maybe God just really likes his daughters. Another is that perhaps because our bodies need to be stronger in order to carry life. Those are just my guesses, but whatever the reason, women are strong, and not just physically either. We have to be strong to live in this world. To raise families, to face adversity, to counter the lies of the adversary, to keep your head lifted when all around you is telling you to put it down. It is a hard world to live in. It is a difficult one. Sometimes we feel so weak. But look back on what you have done. You have made it this far. Now keep going. You have passed through many tests and heartbreaks and you could have given up, but you didn't. Here you stand. You are strong. I just made it through 18 months of what can be rightly described of as the refiner's fire. I must be strong to have served a mission. And I love that about myself.

7. Creative

I love that I am creative.

"You might say, 'I'm not the creative type. When I sing, I'm always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.'

If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative Being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it-your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

No one an say it better than him.

8. Brave

President George Q. Cannon said that "We stood loyally by God and by Jesus, and...did not flinch." Can you picture that? Standing on the battlefield in the war in heaven, with Satan and his devils shouting at us, and you did not flinch! We were some of the bravest of all of God's children. When we were tested, we proved ourselves time and again to be obedient and courageous. We defended the Plan of Salvation and were not ashamed. We faced the prospect of our earth life without fear. We trusted so fully in God, and he trusts in us. "Can you imagine that God, who knew us perfectly, reserved us to come now, when the stakes would be higher and the opposition more intense than ever? When He would need women who would help raise and lead a chosen generation in the most lethal spiritual environment! Can you imagine that He chose us because He knew we would be fearless in building Zion?" -Sherri Dew
I am afraid of many things. I am terrified of spiders. I am terrified of talking to people on the street. I HATE scary movies.
But I know now that I may be afraid, but I am brave, too. I was brave when I left home to go to college at 18. I was brave to serve a mission. I was brave to call people to repentance. I was brave to return home. I am brave. And I love that I am brave.

9. Obedient

Elder Neil A. Maxwell said, “The youth of this generation have a greater capacity for obedience than any previous generation.” President George Q. Cannon also said, “God has reserved spirits for this dispensation who have the courage and determination to face the world, and all the powers of the evil one, visible and invisible, to proclaim the gospel and maintain the truth and establish and build up the Zion of our God fearless of all consequences. He has sent these spirits in this generation to lay the foundation of Zion never more to be overthrown, and to raise up a seed that will be righteous, and that will honor God, and honor Him supremely, and be obedient to Him under all circumstances.”

I am obedient. I try to be as obedient as I can be. I make mistakes. But I have a great desire to be obedient. And I love that about myself.

10. Daughter of God

We are His daughters. We are like him. We each are given special gifts from him. We have the companionship of a member of the Godhead with us. We are part of his great plan. Within each of us is a great nobility that we all need to recognize. We are all royalty. Someday we will return to live with our Father in Heaven. He loves us. So we should love us too. I love that I am a daughter of God.

 

That is my list. Now here is my challenge: make your own list. What are ten things you like about yourself? You women ARE amazing. Never forget that!

 

God's Grace

One of the most tender lessons I learned on my mission is that God's grace is all around us. I learned what grace is, and I learned that even I can receive of it.

I heard so much from other missionaries about how they had overcome a challenge through the enabling power of the Atonement. Because I am naturally more afraid of talking to people, I focused on the stories of missionaries who were timid who came to the mission and immediately got over their fear or at least with a little bit of time they were able to come out of their shell and start talking to people on the street without fear.

I prayed that it would be the same for me. I prayed that I would get over my fear, that the Lord would give me courage. I felt that if I could do that, if I could talk to everyone on the street, the work would progress so much, and I knew that the Lord would put those prepared people in our path. But I couldn't get up the courage. I heard stories that when missionaries can't get up the courage to talk to people on the street, it is because they don't love the Lord very much, or they just don't want to. But I did want to. I don't know if there was anything I wanted more for myself on my mission than to get over my fear. And I did love the Lord. I love him with all my heart. He has done so much for me. But....he didn't help me get over my fear.
I never got up the courage. I would see a person and think "I need to talk to them! What if they have been searching for the truth? I have the truth!" But the closer we got, the faster my heart would go and I would panic and keep walking. I began to hate myself that I couldn't get over this stupid fear of mine.

One missionary suggested that I study grace every day and try to apply grace, see if God's grace would help me get over my fear. I also set the goal that for 6 weeks, every week I would talk to 4 people on the street. Well I did it, but I felt like I cheated. You see there were very few people that I actually got the courage to walk up to and start the conversation. The majority of those people walked up to me and started asking questions. And we saw miracles through it! But I still felt like I cheated a little. And the more I studied grace, the more frustrated I got. Apparently God's grace can do so many things, but it didn't apply to me. It could help people do miracles and overcome the biggest of challenges. But it couldn't help me with mine.

And then I read one of the most beautiful talks by Sherri Dew on God's grace and I realized I was defining grace all wrong.

I saw grace as this power of God to help us overcome challenges, to help us do something we couldn't do before. And it is that. But it is more than that.

God's grace is manifest when we are able to forgive a companion who has seriously hurt your feelings and made you cry. God's grace is feeling love and concern for a person you hardly know. God's grace is feeling the spirit in a lesson. God's grace is finding the words to say in a lesson when you have no idea what these people need to hear. God's grace is when a women finds the answer to her prayers in the Book of Mormon and comes to you and says she wants to be baptized. God's grace is a woman showing up at the last moment to come back to church after a year of inactivity. God's grace is telling the Lord "there's nothing more I can do for this woman," and the next day she shows up at church. God's grace is reading the scriptures and finding an answer to a prayer.

And God's grace was evident every time a person walked up to me and asked about the church. It was evident when I reached my goal. Maybe I never overcame my weakness, but God made up for it. Paul in the New Testament talked about his weakness being a thorn in the flesh all the days of his life. He does not tell us what his weakness is, but clearly God never took it away. But God made up for it anyways. I never became the confident outgoing missionary I envisioned myself to be. But God made up for my weaknesses and I saw miracles. His grace was and still is all around me.

His grace was when I knelt in a bathroom and cried my heart out for God to not condemn this person we were teaching. It was there as I sobbed and my clenched hands shook, and a vision of the Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane came to my mind as the Lord told me "I have already paid the price."

God was there for me as I knelt by my bed and pleaded with the Lord to show me a sign that he was listening. He was there as I clung to my companion and cried when someone told us they no longer wanted to investigate the church. He was there as I asked myself over and over again if I had made the right choice in going on a mission. He was there when I felt so alone and so forgotten. He was there when my companion and I ran for our lives when a man was chasing us.

And he was there when my companion and I would sit and read from the Book of Mormon with a lady who had just lost her husband. He was there when we took a lady to the temple to do temple baptisms for the first time. He was there as my companion and I found joy in stepping on leaves on our way to appointments. He was there as my companion and I sang our hearts out in the pouring rain. He was there when numerous people would offer us water as we walked in 100 degree weather. He was there as a lady sang her heart out to the hymns in church even though it was her first time being there and she had no idea how the hymns went. He was there as a member bore their testimony to me at dinner, and my eyes watered and I knew God loved me.

God does love me. He was there with me every minute of my mission, helping me get through it. He was there with me in the frustrating moments, the painful moments, the sweet moments, the spiritual moments, the beautiful moments, the ugly moments, and the amazing moments. Every day was a miracle. God's grace was there every day.

I am so incredibly thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ, for there is no one else who knows exactly what I have been through. I am so thankful for his atonement. This Christmas season, that is what I am thankful for. Christ was the first gift. His life was all for us. Because he loves us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Charity Never Faileth

Before entering the MTC, Satan put lots of doubts in my mind to try to stop me from what I was about to do. One by one I overcame them all, I said goodbye to my comfort zone and family, and I left everything behind as I began the hardest, but most wonderful 18 months of my life. But Satan didn’t stop putting doubts into my mind though once I entered the walls of the MTC. I began to have a new fear: What if I could never love the people on my mission? What if I was incapable of feeling such love for another person? What if there was something wrong with me and I was unable to feel charity?

That is what I want my blog post to be on today. The lesson I learned about charity.

At the ending of my time in the MTC, a story was recounted of three boys in the Martin Handcart company who carried women across an icy river of water to save them and bring them to safety. And if I remember the story correctly, they don’t do this just once but three times. They were so concerned about the lives of others and saving them, that they completely forgot themselves. Later, all three died as a result of the cold water. But they will forever be remembered in history. They had been true heroes.

I heard that story and thought “I want to be like that. I want to be like those three boys and be so selfless. I am about to cross a river as I enter the mission field. But do I have the courage that those boys had? I want to have charity like that, but I don’t know if I do.”

I made it to the field and quickly realized that I was completely able to love these people. How could you not love another when you are serving? How could you not love someone when you pray for them every night and study for them every morning and every Thursday make plans on what you can do to help them progress in the Gospel? How could you not love someone when you sit with them in their house and hear how hard their life is and how much they are struggling, and together you read the Book of Mormon and help them feel the Spirit and remember their true worth as a child of God? How could you not love them when the Spirit is so strong, it testifies to you that God loves them and he has great things in store for that person? How could I not love them?

But I will admit, sometimes it is hard to have charity and be patient. There were times when I would plead with the Lord, “Help me Lord have charity for this person, because I really want to give them a piece of my mind, but I don’t think that would be a very sister-missionary-like thing to do.”

And so I began my extensive search in the scriptures to understand Charity and how we obtain it.

I discovered my answer in 1 Corinthians 13. Since I had already been studying in depth Chapter 6 in Preach My Gospel about the Christlike Attributes, things started popping out at me in these following verses that I had never noticed before. I have in parentheses the impressions that I got while reading.

“4. Charity suffereth long (PATIENCE) and is kind, charity envieth not, charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up (HUMILITY).

5. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own (OBEDIENCE), is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil (VIRTUE);

6. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth (KNOWLEDGE)

7. Beareth all things (PATIENCE AGAIN), believeth all things (FAITH), hopeth all things, (HOPE), endureth all things (DILIGENCE)

I realized why Charity is the most important of all the attributes of Christ, and why without charity we are nothing. Because Charity is ALL of the attributes of Christ in one. It is being patient, being humble, being obedient, having virtue, rejoicing in knowledge, having faith, having hope, and being diligent. That is charity.

And how do we get it? By praying with all of the energy of heart. For it is a gift. We do not just decide one day “I have charity.” God must give it to us. So we must be worthy of that gift and we must ask for it. We should not just pray once a week or a day to have charity. We should not just pray halfheartedly for charity. But we should pray with all the energy of heart for the Lord to give that gift to us.

I did love the people on my mission, and as I did all I could do and tried to give up my will for the Lord’s, the charity came. I have never cried so hard as I have on my mission. Why? Because I was hurting to see others in such pain. I have never felt so disappointed and devastated on my mission then to see someone who I loved decide to no longer continue investigating the church. I have never felt such exquisite joy then on my mission to see someone enter the waters of baptism and say “I know that this is the true church. I know that I am supposed to be baptized.”

Sometimes it can be quite exhausting and frustrating to love someone so much. At one point in my mission, I started thinking, what is the point of all of this? What was the point in teaching that person and helping them get to church and feel the spirit when now they want nothing to do with the church and won’t answer the door? Why did we have to go through those wonderful times, and learn to really love this person, only for it to end in tragedy? What was the point of us teaching that person and serving them and loving them?

But why did Christ make Judas an apostle when He knew that someday Judas would betray him too? Why did Christ teach and serve the people of Jerusalem when he knew that they would in the future crucify him? Christ knew that they would betray him, yet he stilled served them. He still offered them a chance. He still loved them.

That is why we serve. That is why we do everything we do as missionaries. Yes, many people will never accept our message. But we teach them anyways, because we love them and we need to show them that we love them. It is not enough to love. To be charitable, you must prove that love.

Through that charity, God has taught me some of the sweetest lessons on how much He loves us. For if I can weep and plead with God that He save this person’s life and not condemn them for any mistakes they make, how much more does God love them?

God loves us so much. I know that He loves us. I know He loves me and all of the people on my mission. I love the people on my mission, with a love I didn’t know I could possess. And I know that as we pray for God’s help, He will help us to love those around us and He will show us why He loves us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Developing Faith In Jesus Christ

Hello again! I recently finished serving an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Salt Lake City. As such, this will be the first blog post of mine in 18 months, and I wanted to write about the amazing lessons I have learned on my mission. Because I have many topics I want to talk about, I will break it up into several different posts over the next couple of weeks. I have never learned so much in such a small portion of time.

We have all been given talents, gifts that we are supposed to use to help raise the Kingdom of God. One talent of mine is writing, although I didn’t get to use that talent very often on my mission. But now that I am home and school doesn’t start until January and I have all the time in the world, I want to put my talents to good use and hopefully my words can be a channel for the spirit to touch others.

And so this first blog post I dedicate to the topic of faith, because this was one of the things I learned most about on my mission. You see, in Preach My Gospel, one of the few books a missionary can read, there is a beautiful chapter all about the Attributes of Christ. For some reason I can’t really explain, this chapter has fascinated me more than any other chapter in, well, any book. If you could see my Preach My Gospel, you would see a chapter completely filled with notes upon notes upon notes, written in every space I could squeeze it in. And every time I had a new companion, I noticed a theme going on where I seemed to struggle with one particular Christlike attribute, that I suddenly started hearing in every talk, and started finding in every chapter of the Book of Mormon, until by the end of that transfer or the next, I had a completely new understanding of it.

And there was one Christlike attribute that I noticed seemed to be the theme of mine for two different times in my mission, and really truly the whole time. That was faith.

You hear a lot about faith on a mission. And if you don’t really understand what faith is, it can really bring you down to hear comments from your leaders like “if this [insert miracle here] isn’t happening, you don’t have enough faith.” And “If you want baptisms, you need to have more faith.” And “If you had more faith you wouldn’t fear anyone.” And “If you want to see miracles, you have to have faith.”

Now these are true, but you have to understand what faith is first. I did not at the beginning of my mission. I kept hearing those comments and looking at my area and the lack of baptisms, and thought “is it because I don’t have enough faith?”

And I would try to show what I thought was faith by praying at night that the next day we would get one lesson with a member present. Just one. Not a big number at all. One. And then we would call people and make appointments and work and work and work to get a member with us to just one lesson at the very least. And I would pray the whole time that it would happen, and I would say “I have faith that we are going to have a member present.”

Well guess what? I’d say like 9 times out of 10 it didn’t happen. Last minute the member would cancel or just plain not show up or last minute the lesson would cancel or we’d get to the door and no one would answer and then after that NO ONE would answer their doors for the rest of the night.

And I became very confused. In my head, I was showing my faith, and I was working to get the end result I wanted. So why wasn’t it happening? Did I just not have enough faith? I began to seriously doubt myself, and became very depressed any time the topic of faith was brought up during a meeting. I told myself that I didn’t have faith anymore. I didn’t have faith that we were going to get members to lessons with us, I didn’t have faith in the ward, and I didn’t have faith in myself.

And then while I was reading once again in Preach My Gospel, Chapter 6, something stood out to me that I had never noticed before. The title of the section on faith is “Faith in Jesus Christ.” And that was when I realized that I was putting my faith in the wrong thing.

We are supposed to have faith in Christ, not necessarily other people. If others mess up, if things aren’t going right, we should look towards Christ and just think about how our faith in him is. Faith is not about other people or things. It is faith that Christ is our Savior, He can help us, we are doing His work, and He will bless us for our efforts, if not always in the way we want to be blessed. It is okay if we do not have faith in ourselves. God didn’t ask us to have faith in ourselves. It’s okay if we don’t have faith in other people. God really didn’t ask us to do that. He asked us to have faith in Christ.

And I had faith in Christ. And once I realized that, once I calmed down and decided that maybe I didn’t have faith that we were going to get a member to a lesson with us, maybe I didn’t have faith that this person was going to open the door, or maybe I didn’t have faith that this person was going to come to church, but I had faith in Jesus Christ, that He is my Savior, and that He loves me. Once I realized all of that, I started seeing the miracles. The work picked up almost immediately and we saw miracles. Because we started putting our faith in Christ, and not anything else. THAT is faith.

And the funny thing was, this whole time that I told myself I didn’t have faith, we were doing online proselyting, I was bearing my testimony proving that I had faith when people would get on pretending they were investigators and then almost literally shove their anti-mormon literature in my face and I had to respond to what could have been a very convincing argument if I had not already received a witness of the truth of this church. I was able to respond and say time and again “I know that God lives and that He is my Father and that He loves me. I know this Church is true and that Christ is the head of this church.” I had faith. I just didn’t know that that was what faith was.

And then later in my mission, again the theme of faith came up and I learned an important lesson: God is never done teaching us. I wasn’t done learning about faith, and I will probably never be done. This time I learned that it does not matter if you only have a little bit of faith. You do not need huge quantities of faith to see miracles and move mountains. In the Bible, Jesus says “faith the size of a mustard seed.” You see, for the longest time I misinterpreted this scripture thinking that if we just had that little bit of faith, we could do miracles, but if the miracles aren’t happening, that must mean that you clearly don’t even have that much faith, your faith is like the size of speck. Wrong. That is not what that scripture means, I came to find out. Christ was trying to prove a point that was the exact opposite of what I believed. He was trying to prove that the amount of faith we have is not what produces miracles. It is the integrity we show towards that faith. It doesn’t matter if we start off with a little twig of faith, if we are true to what we know and act accordingly, God will let that twig grow into a tree. It is okay to only have a little twig of faith. Move forward, clutching on to that little twig, and you will see miracles.

I know now that I do have faith and it has grown immensely on my mission. I do know that God lives, Christ is his son, the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that this is His true church upon the earth. I know that this is the way to happiness. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tributes

I just had to say goodbye to one of my best friends. I plan on seeing her in the morning, but still it was a very hard thing to do. I've decided that this post shall be a tribute my dearest friends. The semester is over and it's been a good one. I have learned so much this semester, that I am only just starting to realize. I have learned that a real friendship is not necessarily marked by how many times you see someone, but by after not seeing someone for so long, coming back together and acting like you never left. I have learned that I do know how to make friends. I may not have tons and tons of friends, but I would much rather a few very close friends than tons of superficial friends which I have a hard time talking to. I have learned that while I just don't do well and do not like small talk, when you do actually get me talking about something I like, then I find that I do like talking. I have learned that I am funny. And I have learned that I must be likable if I have so many amazing friends that love me.

Lexi

I met Lexi freshman year of high school. We've been friends ever since, but my senior year of high school is really when we became best friends. She has always been there for me when I really need it. She is the one to hold me when I cry or calm me when I have a mental breakdown. Lexi is so selfless.She used to claim that she would "corrupt" me, but really she has been so good for me. We've been roommates for two years, and it is so strange to be saying goodbye to her. I can't imagine life without my Lexi. My life would suck without you!

Ashley

Ashley and I became roommates spring term. It was complete fate. From day one we were friends. Later we found out that our mothers had grown up together in the same small town. We decided that that made us sisters. Ashley is so incredibly sweet and together we have such great adventures. Being with her is like being at home. I feel like I can always be myself around her. I love everything about my dear sister Ashley and it hurts so bad to have to say goodbye to her. She is literally my other half.

Erica

Erica was one of the first friends I made in college. She is so smart and so sweet, and I love how much she cares about other people. I can confide in her. She is one of those friends where it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've seen each other, it's like nothing has changed. She has introduced me to some great people. I am so glad we have continued to have such an amazing friendship this year, and I know that we will continue to be good friends after our missions.

Alicia

Alicia is so funny and such a joy. She is super ripped. ;) Some of my favorite quotes on our quote wall were said by her. Alicia is so easy to talk to. She gets super animated and I love it when she has to prove her strength by attacking someone. Alicia was one of my roommates from last year. Alicia has taught me some valuable lessons in confidence. I love Alicia and hope to be more like her. I wish her all the luck in Jerusalem.

Becca

Becca has taught me the value of being spontaneous. She too was one of my roommates from last year. Oh the memories I have of dancing with her in the kitchen, scream-singing from the boys' balcony, and eating ice cream straight out of the carton. If you want something, I have learned to "make it happen" as she always says. I sincerely hope Becca never changes.

Carolina

Carolina, another roommate from last year, is super funny and spontaneous also. I have learned through her that sometimes when we are feeling like we are going crazy, the best thing to do is to just act crazy, to let it out. Her expressions, her dance moves, her accents, her love of llamas, her sneezing -I love it all. I wish Carolina luck on her mission and I hope someday to be able to dance as well as Carolina or Alicia who also dances amazingly.

Forrest

Forrest was one my spring term roommates and is so cool. Forrest is such a loyal friend, so sweet and helpful, and we have a lot in common as far as movies and music and such go. As I said to you today across the table Forrest, "Forrest you light up my world like nobody else! The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed! The way you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell, you don't know-oh-oh, you don't now you're beautiful!" You seriously are beautiful.

Amber

Finally there's Amber. Such a sweetheart! She is so caring and nonjudgmental. I love when I get to work with her. She was another roommate from Spring term. I don't know if I've ever heard Amber say a mean thing. Her puppy-dog face is priceless. She is always smiling and her eyes are gorgeous. I am so glad to have gotten to know her and to come visit so many times this semester.

Oh there are so many other people I could write about, but it is seriously so late right now. But I loved every moment of being with these girls. They are all so beautiful and so wonderful. I would never trade them. You guys are more like family than friends. Although I shall not see you for 18 months, my heart is with you and I shall never stop being your friend. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you all.

Week of Birthdays

It's been a while since I've written. Mainly because I haven't exactly had anything to write about. The semester is almost over. Last day of classes is Tuesday and finals start next Friday. Man I can't wait for this to be over. In a way I'm super sad to be saying goodbye to many of my friends for the next 18 months, because I know things are going to be very different when I get back. Some of my friends might be even be married. It's almost heartbreaking to have to end it. But I am also super relieved that this semester is almost over, that I won't have to take any tests for 18 months, that I get to go home and see my family again, and that I can finally leave for my mission.

Well this week is the week of birthdays!

My birthday was on Monday. I didn't do a whole lot, but I had a classy dinner with friends which was all I wanted. We dressed up all nice and went to Olive Garden, and I just had a great time spending the evening with my best girl friends. I talked to my Mom, and my family sang to me over the phone. My sister Kimberly and her husband also sang to me over the phone and I got to talk to them for a bit. And then I ended the night by googlechatting with my sister Allison who is in the hospital and her husband. That was my first time with googlechat and it was fun. You can make yourself have hats and eyepatches and mustaches with googlechat. So I made us all wear birthday hats and put a cake on the screen and pretended to blow out the candle on the cake to celebrate my birthday. It was great fun.

Then Thursday (tomorrow) is my nephew Hyrum's birthday.

This is Hyrum playing at the park

I love Hyrum. I miss him and his brothers so much. Hyrum can be so sweet and so fun to play with. As he gets older, his play gets more creative. I love sitting down with him and asking him to tell me a story. His stories don't always make sense, in fact I usually have no idea what he's talking about, but it is fun to see how creative he can be, since I loved (and still love) making up stories when I was little. He likes to act really tough and had the lowest voice I've ever heard a baby have, but then you'd catch him squeal in excitement or crawl into his mom's arms with his thumb in his mouth holding on to his silk blanky.

Hyrum pushing his little brother Enoch on the swing

 I am sad that I will not get to see any of my nephew's for 18 months, and at their age so much changes in just 18 months. When I get back, Ammon will have been baptized, Enoch probably won't remember me, and I'll be a complete stranger to Zion. Sigh.

My three sweet nephews, left to right: Hyrum (age 4), Ammon (age 6), and Enoch (age 1 1/2)

But back to the week of birthdays: Friday my little nephew Zion will finally be born! YAY! We are all very excited but no one is as excited as Allison. She has been in the hospital for several weeks now, and on Friday it will hopefully all be over. We are all praying very hard that the baby will be healthy and there will be no further complications on Friday. My sister is going to have 4 little boys!

Yep it's a week of birthdays, and in April, during the spring, I think it's the perfect time for birthdays!

Well have a lovely week! Enjoy the Spring weather while you can. Hopefully it won't snow again.

The Healing Power, Passover, and the Atonement

It was a very good week. The sun has been shining all week and it has been fabulous. I am just so much happier when it is sunny. My week wasn't so busy and I am getting more hours in at work, which makes me very happy. Thursday was Pi day (3.14) and I had a TON of sugar. I had a pie shake which was delicious, a root beer float, a cupcake, a tiny powdered donut, and several slices of pie. But I was celebrating Pi day and St Patrick's day. I felt so sick afterwards. And I was pretty hyper too from all that sugar. After eating all that sugar, I don't think I want to eat sugar again for a month. Maybe two.

Friday I worked an awesome shift at work, but I'll explain that in a moment. Then I went and visited friends and we watched Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Something Borrowed, Something New. Saturday was wonderful. I got to sleep in. Then I went to our ward's first non-FHE ward activity. We played ultimate Frisbee and ate a very big breakfast. I then went on the best bike ride ever. I followed the Provo river trail west all the way to the end. It was so far, I'm pretty sure I was in another city when I finally reached the end, but it was beautiful out and I had been determined to find the end of that trail.

I saw a snake in the middle of the trail as I was riding along (which made me very happy that I was on a bike and not walking) and I heard FROGS! There were lots of them! I couldn't see them, but I could hear them! Later I cleaned my apartment, did some homework while I attempted to tan but just ended up getting a sunburn, practiced the piano, and went grocery shopping. Then I had work at 10:00 at night, which was tiring but I got to eat some good food afterwards. It was a pretty productive day and also a very relaxing and fun one.

I have learned several things this week which have helped to strengthen my testimony. Today in Relief Society we discussed being a perfectionist and how this is an unhealthy look on life. I have been taught before that the problem with perfectionism is that you forget to apply the atonement to your life. You become so caught up in doing everything perfect, you forget that the whole reason we are here on earth is to make mistakes and then use the atonement to repent of them. While I have learned this before, I loved our lesson today because it reminded me that I should not only watch out for being a perfectionist in keeping the commandments, but I must be careful not to be a perfectionist in school. We are at school to learn and therefore make mistakes. If we didn't make mistakes in school, we wouldn't learn, we wouldn't learn how to be forgiven of those mistakes. So if I do not do well on a test, it does not mean that I am a failure at life, it is just the Lord giving me a weakness so that I can turn to him to become strong.

In my New Testament class, we also had a great lesson on Christ's healing power. I am sure many of you are familiar with the story of the woman who touched Christ's clothing and was healed. Our lesson gave new light to that story. The woman had an issue of blood. Somewhere (don't remember where) in Exodus, it says that a woman who has an issue of blood is unclean and anyone who touches her becomes unclean also. In my class we watched a video made by BYU about this story of the woman, showing her in a new light. In this video, everyone avoided the woman with an issue of blood. Because she was unclean, no one would touch her, no one would come near her. When someone accidentally caused her to drop and break her pot of water, rather than help her, they hurriedly left so as not to become unclean by touching her. The woman was alone and friendless as well as having this illness.

Then she hears the news that a man, Christ, has come who can heal you of your sicknesses. He can heal everyone. The woman anxiously tries to press through the crowd so that she can finally be healed. But she is turned away. "He cannot heal you," a man tells her. "He heals by touch." Because no one can touch her, she hurriedly leaves and seeks comfort in her home. She cries and calls out to heaven "why can he not heal me?" I was struggling not to cry myself. But then the woman stops crying as she looks at her clothing. Suddenly she knows how she can be healed. She hurries back out to the crowd and pushes her way through. However there are so many people and she cannot make it to the Master. She trips and continues to crawl through crowd. Just as Christ passes by, in desperation, she barely manages to brush his clothing with her hand. Christ stops, asks "who touched me?" and turns to find the woman kneeling in the dirt. She was healed. Not only that, but Christ picks her up, not afraid of touching her, and blesses her. It was beautiful.

This week my sister was emitted to the hospital due to complications of her pregnancy and she will be unable to go home until she has her baby. Which means several weeks. But I have faith that if the woman in the New Testament could be healed simply by touching the clothes of the Master Healer, my sister can be healed as we all reach out to the Lord and have him touch our lives.

Wow didn't realize that would be so long. And I still haven't gotten to the main thing I want to share! This week I learned about the Passover.

So for work on Friday, I was setting up for Passover, and when my shift was over, our Events Coordinator taught us about the Passover. She had us try all of the traditional, symbolic food. First we tried Matza bread. It is unleavened bread and is worse than a cracker. It has NO flavoring. It's kind of gross. And I don't know what that symbolizes. Then we were to try some bitter herbs and dip them in salt water. The bitter herbs represented the pain and suffering Christ endured in the Garden of Gethsemane and the salt water represented his tears. (I recognize these have different symbolism in the Jewish tradition.) We then had to try horseradish. If you have never tried horseradish, it smells like nail polish remover, and it absolutely burns your mouth. It is painful to eat. This represents the pain of sin, what we put ourselves through when we sin. Lastly, we ate some apple slices and grapes, sweet fruit, which represented the sweetness of having our sins forgiven through the Atonement of Christ.

Obviously the symbolism would be different in the Jewish tradition of the Passover, as they do not understand that the Passover was a symbol of Christ. But we the children of Israel do understand, and as the children of Israel, we too can participate in this ritual.

Our Event Coordinator then explained to us what the Passover was. The Passover was when the Angel of Death passed over the doors of the people of Israel. In order for this to happen however, the family had to bring into their house the first born male lamb and it had to be completely unblemished and without any flaw. They kept this lamb in their house for ten days. Our Event Coordinator explained that this lamb became like the family pet. They ate with it, they slept with it, they played with it -it lived with them. And at the end of the ten days, they had to take the family pet who was perfect and had done nothing wrong and who they loved dearly, and they had to kill it, spread it's blood over their door, and then partake of its flesh.

This all represents Christ. Christ, the first born, flawless and perfect, completely without sin. We bring him into our lives, we love him, and then He-who has done nothing wrong-dies for us and atones for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins, so that we can live again. And every week we partake of his flesh when we partake of the Sacrament.

This lesson gave so much more meaning to the Atonement and to the Sacrament. I never knew how beautiful the Passover was. I am able to appreciate the Atonement so much more now.

Well sorry for the very long post, but this is all very important to me and I wanted to share it. So happy Sunday and I hope everyone has a fantastic week.