We played 2 games. The first game was called the "I like that" game. A girl and boy went out of the room and when the girl came back in, our goal was to get her to touch the projector.
However, the girl did not know what she was supposed to do. And all we could say was "I like that" when she got closer to it. If she moved in the wrong direction, we were to be silent and say nothing at all. It is kind of like the hot and cold game where you say "hot" when the person is near the object and "cold" when the person is far away. Except for in this game we couldn't say cold or any other form of "I don't like that." We could only reward her when she did something right.
I like that!
It was obvious that the girl enjoyed the game. She got a smile on her face, quickly figuring out in which direction she should move. In just a minute and a half she had figured it out and had climbed on a chair and touched the projector.
Then we played a second game: the "I DON'T like that" game. It was the complete opposite. The boy came in from the hall and our goal was the same: to get him to touch the projector. However, this time, if the boy moved in the right direction, we were to say nothing. But if he moved in the WRONG direction, we were to yell at him like an angry parent "I don't like that!"
The boy tried so many things, trying to figure out what we wanted him to do. But we just kept yelling "I don't like that." Eventually he became frozen in the front of the classroom. It was obvious that he wasn't enjoying this game. We weren't either. It took him about 5 minutes to finally touch the projector like we wanted him to and the game was over.
Our teacher related these two games to parenting. How often do parents play the "I don't like that" game with their kids instead of the "I like that" game? But which will actually produce better behavior? Praising and reinforcing children's good behavior will encourage them to explore and do other things that please Mom or Dad. They are more confident and much happier children. The "I don't like that" game, however, often leads to paralyzing behavior. The children do not have much confidence, do not explore, are much more distressed, and have a harder time making decisions. This game was a very vivid demonstration of the differences between reinforcement-based parenting and punishment-based parenting.
Then the teacher asked us something that really hit me.
How many times do we play the "I don't like that!" game with ourselves?
How many times do we get angry and hard on ourselves whenever we make a mistake? Do we focus on punishing ourselves for bad behavior or rewarding ourselves for good behavior?
“It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do.
Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle
themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. . . . Learn to see
yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with
divine potential” -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Ever since this lesson I have been trying to change my thinking. When I am tempted to get angry at myself, I try to look for the positive in the situation and think "well at least I did this..." I definitely usually have a punishment-based relationship with myself, but I am starting to change that. This lesson really woke me up to how negative I can be towards myself and that that isn't the best way to want to change. I have been doing pretty well, and I am proud of myself.
We are all children of God and we have such potential. Instead of punishing ourselves, let's focus on what we are doing right. Let's pay attention to the good things we do. Yes we make mistakes. We're not perfect. That's part of life. But I think we do much more good than we realize.
I wanted to share that with you all. Hopefully I have touched at least one other person to remember to be kinder to themselves. Love you all! Happy Sunday!
