Inside-Out 2: Heart Emotions

I like to blog it blog it. I like to blog it blog it. I like to... BLOG IT!

I asked my roommates how I should start off this blog post. And that is what they said I should write.

So in one of my classes on the family, we learned about gratitude. It was amazing. This wasn't your usual Sunday School lesson on gratitude. Remember, I'm studying to be a therapist, so our lesson was tailored to how we can help clients feel better.

Well you know how the brain releases all sorts of hormones that make you feel a range of different feelings? Did you know that the heart releases hormones too?! That's what I learned. And it's so cool. And these hormones fulfill a very specific purpose of lowering your blood pressure, which helps you feel emotions like love, appreciation, care, happiness, compassion, non-judgment, courage, patience, sincerity, and forgiveness. These are your heart emotions, meaning that their origin is your heart. People who have artificial hearts can still feel these things, because parts of these emotions do come from your brain, but a good portion of these emotions originate from your heart. When we say "I love you with all my heart" it's true! And that's why we use the heart and not the brain as the symbol of love.

These hormones are also incredibly healthy for your body. Even minuscule portions of these hormones in your blood can be so beneficial in reducing your likely of getting kidney failure and other things.

But now as a therapist (or even just a friend), how do you help someone actually feel these emotions? I mean how do help someone be patient? Or have courage? Or be sincere? As class, after several painful minutes of not being able to come up with something (besides gratitude), we suggested service could help you feel some of these emotions. We agreed that that was probably the closest we could get. But other than that, the only thing that a person can really just decide to have is gratitude.

Start listing things you are grateful. But don't just list them off. Really think about it. Think about things you really are grateful for. Take a walk and find three physical things of nature that you are grateful for. The more gratitude you feel, the more your heart will start releasing heart emotions, your anxiety levels will go down and your health and happiness will go up.

November is the month of gratitude. Lets make it a grateful month! 

And remember to send your suggestions to Disney for Inside-Out 2! (I give credit to Amber Norrell for coming up with that idea)

I like that! I don't like that!

I am a family studies major. I am applying to get into the graduate school for Marriage and Family Therapy. As such, I take lots of classes all about the family, such as Cross-Cultural Families and Human Development, Theories in Family Perspective, Advanced Family Processes, and Marriage and Family Enrichment/Therapy. It is the best. I get to learn about families all day long and I love it. In one of my classes, we had a lesson on parenting that particularly impressed me.

We played 2 games. The first game was called the "I like that" game. A girl and boy went out of the room and when the girl came back in, our goal was to get her to touch the projector.

However, the girl did not know what she was supposed to do. And all we could say was "I like that" when she got closer to it. If she moved in the wrong direction, we were to be silent and say nothing at all. It is kind of like the hot and cold game where you say "hot" when the person is near the object and "cold" when the person is far away. Except for in this game we couldn't say cold or any other form of "I don't like that." We could only reward her when she did something right.

I like that!

             

It was obvious that the girl enjoyed the game. She got a smile on her face, quickly figuring out in which direction she should move. In just a minute and a half she had figured it out and had climbed on a chair and touched the projector.

Then we played a second game: the "I DON'T like that" game. It was the complete opposite. The boy came in from the hall and our goal was the same: to get him to touch the projector. However, this time, if the boy moved in the right direction, we were to say nothing. But if he moved in the WRONG direction, we were to yell at him like an angry parent "I don't like that!" 

The boy tried so many things, trying to figure out what we wanted him to do. But we just kept yelling "I don't like that." Eventually he became frozen in the front of the classroom. It was obvious that he wasn't enjoying this game. We weren't either. It took him about 5 minutes to finally touch the projector like we wanted him to and the game was over.

Our teacher related these two games to parenting. How often do parents play the "I don't like that" game with their kids instead of the "I like that" game? But which will actually produce better behavior? Praising and reinforcing children's good behavior will encourage them to explore and do other things that please Mom or Dad. They are more confident and much happier children. The "I don't like that" game, however, often leads to paralyzing behavior. The children do not have much confidence, do not explore, are much more distressed, and have a harder time making decisions. This game was a very vivid demonstration of the differences between reinforcement-based parenting and punishment-based parenting.

Then the teacher asked us something that really hit me.

How many times do we play the "I don't like that!" game with ourselves?

How many times do we get angry and hard on ourselves whenever we make a mistake? Do we focus on punishing ourselves for bad behavior or rewarding ourselves for good behavior?

“It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. . . . Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential” -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Ever since this lesson I have been trying to change my thinking. When I am tempted to get angry at myself, I try to look for the positive in the situation and think "well at least I did this..." I definitely usually have a punishment-based relationship with myself, but I am starting to change that. This lesson really woke me up to how negative I can be towards myself and that that isn't the best way to want to change. I have been doing pretty well, and I am proud of myself.

We are all children of God and we have such potential. Instead of punishing ourselves, let's focus on what we are doing right. Let's pay attention to the good things we do. Yes we make mistakes. We're not perfect. That's part of life. But I think we do much more good than we realize. 

I wanted to share that with you all. Hopefully I have touched at least one other person to remember to be kinder to themselves. Love you all! Happy Sunday!

Swim Lessons and Life Lessons

Sorry it has been so long! A whole semester has gone by and I have learned much this semester about research, parenting, the Old Testament, Spanish, and more research. Finals have come and gone and we are now in Spring term, but I am currently not taking any classes. I am just working. I work custodial from 5 am to 11 am in the Administration building and the Museum of Art. I really haven't had anything to write in a long time, hence my absence from my blogging. Sorry about that. But today I started remembering a lesson that time and again has been impressed upon me.

When I first graduated high school, I became a lifeguard and a swim teacher. Here is a picture of me four years ago:

As you can see, I haven't changed much.

Teaching swim lessons could be either super fun or a total nightmare, depending on the children's attitudes that day. But I got to say, it was always such a rewarding thing after days or weeks of working with a child to watch them swim out on their own for the first time, and to see the joy on their parents' faces as they grabbed the video camera and cheered from the sidelines. I would think to myself, "Wow. I did that. I taught a child a life-saving skill. I taught that child to swim."

The majority of the time too I was assigned to teach the preschool-aged children. I had a lot of patience with them, so they always stuck me with the 4 and 5 year-old's. One of the important skills I had to teach them was how to float on their backs. We did this in a very interesting way.

The child’s head would rest on my shoulder with his/her cheek touching my cheek. Floating on their back is a very scary experience for a child, but they must learn to do so to swim. Having their cheek against my cheek is comforting to the child. I am able to whisper to them to keep them calm. Their body then rests on my hands. Like this:

I would wait for the child to relax. As the child relaxed and filled their lungs with air and stared up at the sky, they would become more buoyant. However, a child cannot learn to float if they forever remain in this position, resting on my hands. Eventually, I must lower my hands. But we were to never remove our hands. Just lower them. That way if the child began to sink, they would just land on my hands. That way they could never drown. And while my hands may have lowered, their head remains on my shoulder, touching my cheek. They don’t float completely on their own until they are older.

Without fail, every time I did this for the first time with a child, they became scared and started kicking their feet and flashing their arms. That or their arms would come up and lock around my neck. As they started thrashing, they would immediately start to sink. Where they would just land on my hands. It would take a couple lessons. But eventually they would learn that if they remained calm, they would float, and they would learn that they could trust me, that I would never let them drown. They also needed to keep looking upwards towards the sky. They couldn't see what was below them, and that was scary, and so sometimes they would take their eyes off the sky to try to see what was below them, but then their spine would curve and they would start to sink.

It is all the same with us and God. At first God has us resting on his hands. It is scary not seeing what is before us, but we eventually learn to feel his spirit (the hands) and we become calm. But God cannot teach us to float this way. He must lower his hands. Without the comforting touch of his hands that we are used to, we often become scared and may begin to freak out. We must remain calm though in order to float. But if we do start to sink, God’s hands are waiting under the water to catch us. God will never let us drown. And all the while we must continue to look to the Heavens and pray and listen to that whisper to keep us calm so we can remain floating.

Celeste

My Favorite Book of Mormon Story: 1 Nephi 8 ...with pictures!!

During my mission, there was no other scripture I shared as often as 1 Nephi 8:12 -a fact which each of my companions can testify to. I love the story of 1 Nephi 8. This is the story of the Tree of Life. In more homes than I could possibly count I shared this scripture. I love how this story can be applied to all people of all ages. I love the symbolism in this story, and each time I shared this scripture with a family, I gained a little more insight into the Love of God.

1 Nephi 8 is the story of a man, a prophet, named Lehi. He had a dream, and in this dream he had a vision of the tree of life.

At the beginning of my mission, before I had even entered the field, this story became very personal to me. I went through an experience that I felt could only be explained through this vision. I felt the love of God. I felt his cleansing, forgiving, atoning sacrifice in my life. And I wanted to share that with everyone.
The following is my depiction of the tree of life story, with pictures! (The pictures were all taken during my mission and were made into facebook posts to explain the story of the tree of life)

In the story of the Tree of Life, Lehi first dreams of himself in a dark and dreary wilderness and says

"And it came to pass that I saw a man, and he was dressed in a white robe; and he came and stood before me." (vs. 5)

"And it came to pass that he spake unto me, and bade me follow him.

And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste.

And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies." (vs. 6-8)

"And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field." (vs. 9)

"And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy." (vs. 10)

"And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen." (vs. 11)

"And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit." (vs. 12)

The famous verse! The verse I read more than any other verse! I am now going to pause in the story and give an explanation of what is going on and how this all applies to us. 

So Lehi was walking in darkness and after he prayed he found a beautiful tree with glowing, white fruit. He ate the fruit and it was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. It filled him with joy. And he wanted to share that fruit with his family.

This is part of human nature. When we cook a good meal, we want to share it with others. When we learn something interesting, we want to share it. When we hear a good joke, we want to tell it and hear others laugh as well. When we go see a good movie, we recommend the movie to others. When we go to a fun or exciting or interesting place, we want to bring our family a long. We want to spend life's most enjoyable experiences with our loved ones.

So what does this story mean? Because clearly it has a deeper meaning other than really tasty fruit, or it wouldn't have been included in the Book of Mormon.

Well, Lehi has a son named Nephi. Nephi is actually the one writing all of this down for us. Later, Nephi prays about this vision his father had. He wanted to know what it all meant. The Lord revealed to him that the Tree of Life represents the love of God.

Nephi also finds out and tells us what almost all of the objects in the vision symbolize. I will explain what they symbolize later. But there is one symbol that he does not tell us.

It is the fruit. He does not tell us what the fruit of the tree of life symbolizes. I conclude that the reason he didn't tell us straight out what it means, is so that we can interpret for ourselves. There is no single right answer. What is the fruit of the love of God? Each person will have their own definition of what the fruit is.

I asked so many families and individuals what the fruit of the Love of God was in their life. I got more answers than I ever thought I could. Some were very specific, others talked about the fruit being more of feelings of peace and love. Here are some of the answers I got:

The gospel

Temples

The Book of Mormon

Children

Children being born

Families

Eternal Families

Eternal Life

Enlightenment

Knowledge

Every time a new temple is made

Music

Love

Peace

Talents

The scriptures

Jesus Christ

The Atonement

The church

Baptism

There were more answers, but I left my list at home and I can't remember all of them. But these were some of them.

I love asking this question, because it shows to me the different ways the Lord manifests his love in our life. To each of us, there is a different way we feel his love and experience joy. We can find evidence of his love in so many ways. There is not just one answer to what is the fruit of the love of God.

To me personally, the fruit of the Love of God is that cleansing, forgiving, enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. There was no greater feeling I had experienced than knowing that I was forgiven of my sins. I had never felt such joy. And I wanted to share that with everyone on my mission.

"And as I cast my eyes round about, that perhaps I might discover my family also, I beheld a river of water; and it ran along, and it was near the tree of which I was partaking the fruit." (vs. 13)

"And I looked to behold from whence it came; and I saw the head thereof a little way off; and at the head thereof I beheld your mother Sariah, and Sam, and Nephi; and they stood as if they knew not whither they should go.

And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable above all other fruit." (vs. 14-15)

So after eating the fruit, Lehi wanted to share it with his family. So should we after tasting of the fruit of the love of God.

"And it came to pass that they did come unto me and partake of the fruit also.

And it came to pass that I was desirous that Laman and Lemuel should come and partake of the fruit also; wherefore, I cast mine eyes towards the head of the river, that perhaps I might see them.

And it came to pass that I saw the, but they would not come unto me and partake of the fruit.

And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.

And I also beheld a straight and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood; and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world." (vs. 16-20)

"And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward, that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood." (vs. 21)

"And it came to pass that they did come forth, and commence in the path which led to the tree.

And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.

And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree." (22-24)

Nephi later tells us that the rod of iron represents the word of god. When I was younger, I thought this just mean the scriptures. But God tells us "whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants it is the same" (D&C 1:38). So the word of god could be the scriptures, but it also includes the words of the prophets, the apostles, the stake presidents, the bishops, and even the missionaries. All of these people help guide people to the path that leads to pure joy: the love of God.

"And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed.

And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth." (vs. 25-26)

"And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost." (vs. 27-28)

Nephi later explains that the great and spacious building represents the pride and vain imaginations of the world. The mist of darkness represents the temptations of sin. Some people will fall away from the path and become lost in the darkness because they are not holding tightly to the rod of iron. Other people will make it to the tree and taste the fruit, but then they will become distracted and lured away by the great and spacious building.

"And now, I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father.

But, to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." (vs. 29-30)

Still others will make it to the tree and will stay there. If you have tasted of the fruit of the love of God, I first invite you to identify what that fruit is in your life, and then share it with others, and help them on that path, holding on to word of God. I know that the fruit is the most sweet above all other fruit that is sweet. I love my God with all my heart. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Practically Perfect in Every Way

I stole the title of today's post from Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins is the embodiment of perfection. Kind but firm when needed, sensible, full of grace and elegance. 

Unfortunately, such perfection is not exactly an option for the majority of us. She is on fact a character of fiction. The only perfect being known to have walked the earth was our Savior Jesus Christ. So why is it that so many of us try to be perfect? Why do I try to be perfect?

It is not really a secret that I am a perfectionist. I've always understood that perfectionism is an unhealthy way of thinking. For one thing, being perfect is impossible in this life, so I am just setting myself up for failure. Trying to be perfect brings much anxiety and disappointment and can really sap the joy out of everything. I've heard time and time again, don't be a perfectionist, and yet I still send myself into a panic when things don't go exactly the way I want them too. I'm getting so much better now, the more I understand the Plan of Salvation, which I will explain my reasons in a minute, but for me to battle my perfectionism, I first had to understand WHY I was a perfectionist. Why so many of us are perfectionists.

Firstly, we all are unique and come to this world with different spiritual traits and gifts. I am naturally obedient. I do not like to disobey. I have never been very rebellious. That is just who I am. I am naturally obedient. That is a part of my spirit, who I am at my core. It is who I want to be. Completely obedient. If my spirit had it's way, I would be. But I have a human body, and it simply isn't possible. And so then my spirit and my body come into conflict and I become frustrated.

The other important thing to realize is that before we lived here on earth, we lived with our Father in Heaven, a perfect being. We lived in the premortal realm, a perfect place. We weren't completely perfect, but we were pretty darn close. We lived in perfection with the most perfect being in the Universe! We were used to it! And then we come down to earth where NOTHING is perfect, and well it can be pretty traumatizing to some of our spirits, whether we realize that or not.

And then a huge part of my being a perfectionist is that I really didn't understand a very important part of the plan of salvation. That is the fall of Adam, and the difference it made. 

You see I was under the misconception that when we come to earth, we already have these bad habits or tendencies that we need to work on and over come in this life. So basically, if I am lazy in this life, that is a reflection of who I am, who I was before this life. If I am lazy here, I must have been lazy there, and if I ever want to overcome that laziness, I need to do so now.

Can you see how much pressure that would put on me? Because if I acted lazy in some way, I felt that made me a "lazy person" or a "lazy spirit." Or if I was uncharitable towards someone, I felt that made me an "uncharitable spirit."

I didn't understand the premortal realm and the fall of Adam. You see, we were practically perfect in the premortal world. We were all Marry Poppins. What changed that was the fall of Adam. The scriptures call it the curse of Adam, or the curse of the flesh. When Adam and Eve were first in the garden, they were perfect. They didn't sin. They had no desire to sin. They weren't tempted in any way. Because they were different. Their bodies did not permit them to. But when they partook of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, they fell. They changed, and the whole world changed with them. They physically changed. Suddenly they could sin. They were tempted. They felt things like lust, desire, hunger, envy, and all the other temptations. It is the same with us. We come to earth and we are given bodies that are imperfect. They come with disabilities. They come with temptations. They come with illnesses. They are great gifts, but they are imperfect and cause us to do many things that are less than perfect. Thus our sins are not a reflection of who we are at our core. They do not define us. If I do something bad, I am not a bad person.

While we are here, we are to learn to control these bodies, to control the appetites and desires and temptations. And some day, we will be glorified. It will not be in this life. But when we are resurrected, we WILL have perfect bodies. Not just bodies that no longer have scars or missing hair, but bodies that are no longer ruled by appetites, fears, lusts, and passions. Some day we will be perfect, like our Father in Heaven who is perfect. But for now, we can be content with simple progress. God understands that it is difficult. He knows the desires of our hearts. He doesn't expect us to be perfect right now. So long as we repent, He forgives us of our sins. Our sins do not define us. We are not our imperfections. We are not our mistakes. We are children of God with the potential to become like him. I know He loves us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.