The Healing Power, Passover, and the Atonement

It was a very good week. The sun has been shining all week and it has been fabulous. I am just so much happier when it is sunny. My week wasn't so busy and I am getting more hours in at work, which makes me very happy. Thursday was Pi day (3.14) and I had a TON of sugar. I had a pie shake which was delicious, a root beer float, a cupcake, a tiny powdered donut, and several slices of pie. But I was celebrating Pi day and St Patrick's day. I felt so sick afterwards. And I was pretty hyper too from all that sugar. After eating all that sugar, I don't think I want to eat sugar again for a month. Maybe two.

Friday I worked an awesome shift at work, but I'll explain that in a moment. Then I went and visited friends and we watched Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Something Borrowed, Something New. Saturday was wonderful. I got to sleep in. Then I went to our ward's first non-FHE ward activity. We played ultimate Frisbee and ate a very big breakfast. I then went on the best bike ride ever. I followed the Provo river trail west all the way to the end. It was so far, I'm pretty sure I was in another city when I finally reached the end, but it was beautiful out and I had been determined to find the end of that trail.

I saw a snake in the middle of the trail as I was riding along (which made me very happy that I was on a bike and not walking) and I heard FROGS! There were lots of them! I couldn't see them, but I could hear them! Later I cleaned my apartment, did some homework while I attempted to tan but just ended up getting a sunburn, practiced the piano, and went grocery shopping. Then I had work at 10:00 at night, which was tiring but I got to eat some good food afterwards. It was a pretty productive day and also a very relaxing and fun one.

I have learned several things this week which have helped to strengthen my testimony. Today in Relief Society we discussed being a perfectionist and how this is an unhealthy look on life. I have been taught before that the problem with perfectionism is that you forget to apply the atonement to your life. You become so caught up in doing everything perfect, you forget that the whole reason we are here on earth is to make mistakes and then use the atonement to repent of them. While I have learned this before, I loved our lesson today because it reminded me that I should not only watch out for being a perfectionist in keeping the commandments, but I must be careful not to be a perfectionist in school. We are at school to learn and therefore make mistakes. If we didn't make mistakes in school, we wouldn't learn, we wouldn't learn how to be forgiven of those mistakes. So if I do not do well on a test, it does not mean that I am a failure at life, it is just the Lord giving me a weakness so that I can turn to him to become strong.

In my New Testament class, we also had a great lesson on Christ's healing power. I am sure many of you are familiar with the story of the woman who touched Christ's clothing and was healed. Our lesson gave new light to that story. The woman had an issue of blood. Somewhere (don't remember where) in Exodus, it says that a woman who has an issue of blood is unclean and anyone who touches her becomes unclean also. In my class we watched a video made by BYU about this story of the woman, showing her in a new light. In this video, everyone avoided the woman with an issue of blood. Because she was unclean, no one would touch her, no one would come near her. When someone accidentally caused her to drop and break her pot of water, rather than help her, they hurriedly left so as not to become unclean by touching her. The woman was alone and friendless as well as having this illness.

Then she hears the news that a man, Christ, has come who can heal you of your sicknesses. He can heal everyone. The woman anxiously tries to press through the crowd so that she can finally be healed. But she is turned away. "He cannot heal you," a man tells her. "He heals by touch." Because no one can touch her, she hurriedly leaves and seeks comfort in her home. She cries and calls out to heaven "why can he not heal me?" I was struggling not to cry myself. But then the woman stops crying as she looks at her clothing. Suddenly she knows how she can be healed. She hurries back out to the crowd and pushes her way through. However there are so many people and she cannot make it to the Master. She trips and continues to crawl through crowd. Just as Christ passes by, in desperation, she barely manages to brush his clothing with her hand. Christ stops, asks "who touched me?" and turns to find the woman kneeling in the dirt. She was healed. Not only that, but Christ picks her up, not afraid of touching her, and blesses her. It was beautiful.

This week my sister was emitted to the hospital due to complications of her pregnancy and she will be unable to go home until she has her baby. Which means several weeks. But I have faith that if the woman in the New Testament could be healed simply by touching the clothes of the Master Healer, my sister can be healed as we all reach out to the Lord and have him touch our lives.

Wow didn't realize that would be so long. And I still haven't gotten to the main thing I want to share! This week I learned about the Passover.

So for work on Friday, I was setting up for Passover, and when my shift was over, our Events Coordinator taught us about the Passover. She had us try all of the traditional, symbolic food. First we tried Matza bread. It is unleavened bread and is worse than a cracker. It has NO flavoring. It's kind of gross. And I don't know what that symbolizes. Then we were to try some bitter herbs and dip them in salt water. The bitter herbs represented the pain and suffering Christ endured in the Garden of Gethsemane and the salt water represented his tears. (I recognize these have different symbolism in the Jewish tradition.) We then had to try horseradish. If you have never tried horseradish, it smells like nail polish remover, and it absolutely burns your mouth. It is painful to eat. This represents the pain of sin, what we put ourselves through when we sin. Lastly, we ate some apple slices and grapes, sweet fruit, which represented the sweetness of having our sins forgiven through the Atonement of Christ.

Obviously the symbolism would be different in the Jewish tradition of the Passover, as they do not understand that the Passover was a symbol of Christ. But we the children of Israel do understand, and as the children of Israel, we too can participate in this ritual.

Our Event Coordinator then explained to us what the Passover was. The Passover was when the Angel of Death passed over the doors of the people of Israel. In order for this to happen however, the family had to bring into their house the first born male lamb and it had to be completely unblemished and without any flaw. They kept this lamb in their house for ten days. Our Event Coordinator explained that this lamb became like the family pet. They ate with it, they slept with it, they played with it -it lived with them. And at the end of the ten days, they had to take the family pet who was perfect and had done nothing wrong and who they loved dearly, and they had to kill it, spread it's blood over their door, and then partake of its flesh.

This all represents Christ. Christ, the first born, flawless and perfect, completely without sin. We bring him into our lives, we love him, and then He-who has done nothing wrong-dies for us and atones for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins, so that we can live again. And every week we partake of his flesh when we partake of the Sacrament.

This lesson gave so much more meaning to the Atonement and to the Sacrament. I never knew how beautiful the Passover was. I am able to appreciate the Atonement so much more now.

Well sorry for the very long post, but this is all very important to me and I wanted to share it. So happy Sunday and I hope everyone has a fantastic week.

Smiling

Well this week started off very busy- extremely so. But once I got past Wednesday, things calmed down. I was able to keep a very good attitude even as I staid up until almost one in the morning doing homework on Tuesday. Granted earlier in the day, I started to stress and freak out a little when I realized how much I had to do. But I decided to take a break from my homework and make biscuits  which relaxed me and I haven't really stressed out since.

Friday I had to get up super early so I could compete in Dance Sport. I only got to the second round, but I was dancing quickstep, which is a lot of fun. I had work that afternoon, setting up for Passover. I will be doing this for the next three weeks. It's a fun shift, but we are not allowed to get subs. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, I so need the hours, but I was hoping to be able to go home one of these weekends so I could go through the temple for the first time. But it looks like I will have to wait until April, right before finals, or wait until the semester is over.

Friday night I went over to a friend's apartment and we just sat and talked for hours. Saturday was a lovely day. I slept in. Didn't really do much. Then went and saw The Hobbit at the dollar theater with a good friend and then went back to her apartment where a group of us had a very nerdy but thoroughly entertaining/hilarious discussion about The Hobbit/The Lord of the Rings/J. R. R. Tolkien. We then watched Beauty and the Beast and talked for hours.

I am finding that I very much enjoy not being in my apartment. Not that I have a problem with my apartment, but I feel like I am in it so much, that it is such a relief to leave and go see other people.

Well I set off the smoke detectors in my apartment today. I tried broiling chicken for the first time. I had no idea what I was doing and ended up filling the apartment with smoke. I've decided I'm not going to do that again. From now on, chicken shall be pan-fried. But the fact that I cooked chicken at all is a good sign, because I've been eating a whole lot of peanut butter lately. I hope you can't get peanut butter toxicity, because I seriously eat a lot.

Guess what I learned this week? Smiling is innate. It is not something we learn, it is something we are born: the reflex to smile when we are happy. Cool huh?

Also learned that I was one of only two people in my class who didn't think that their adolescent years was a time of storm and stress. My family has noted this about me too, how I strangely loved my middle school years, how I never really went through an awkward stage. I was just happy with life. I realized that it wasn't until I got older that school overtook my life and I associated myself with being an extreme "stressor." And as my professor was asking me why I didn't think my adolescence was a time of storm and stress, I realized it was because things didn't really bother me the way they do now. I assumed the best out of everyone. I didn't hate anyone. I didn't have a whole lot of friends, but I was happy with the friends I had. School wasn't hard, and when it was, of course I would stress a little, but I knew it would always turn out in the end. Things just didn't bother me the way they bother me now. Now if I get a bad grade on a test, I assume the worst, and feel doomed. It's interesting to see how much I've changed. And so I've been working on not letting things bother me any more. I hope that when the next round of midterms comes along, I will not stress out as much as I usually do, that I will maintain my happy personality that is more natural for me.

Because smiling is something we are born with, and stressing out about a test is something we learn to do. And if we are born with the ability to smile, I can only assume that it is much more important for us to do than stress out over tests, otherwise God wouldn't have given us the ability to smile even as infants.

So smile and remember that you are loved!

I hate being pore, but other than that life's good

Life's been busy, but life's been good. Last week took forever, but yesterday was great. I went running for the first time since winter began. The weather was beautiful! I so wanted to have a picnic, but had no one to picnic with. But if it is warm again this week, I am so going on a picnic. Yesterday I also made brownies and then went on a group date to see Wreck it Ralph. That movie is adorable! It was my first time seeing it. So cute and creative. Nothing very exciting other than that happened this week besides taking three midterms and working twice. I work so little hours it's quite ridiculous, but at least I get to eat really good food after most shifts. So long as there is food, I eat as much as I possibly can after work.

I am getting really tired of being pore. I'm sick of it. I've decided I never want to be pore again. I don't care about owning nice things, or living in a nice house, or owning a nice car, or buying expensive clothing. I don't care about any of that. I am just sick and tired of not being able to afford groceries. It was either Monday or Tuesday, I realized that I was still over a hundred dollars short for paying rent, and when I went to my cupboard, once again, all I had to eat was pasta. Pasta is not bad, but I had been eating nothing but pasta for the past couple of days, and I was sick of it and really wanted to go buy some food, but I didn't even have money to pay rent. And so I started to stress out and panic. I can not tell you how many times I have done this this semester, where I go to my cupboard, see the small amount of edible food, and start to panic.

I think something is wrong with me. Last semester I came to the realization that grocery shopping stresses me out. Well eating now stresses me out. I continue to eat, probably far more than I should, but every time I do (with the exception of pasta because I have plenty of it) I feel intense guilt, because once I consume that food item, I no longer own it. That's probably why I pig out after work, because I know that the food will just be thrown away if it's not eaten, and food has become more valuable to me than anything. I know, I know, it's a stupid way of looking at food. Sooner or later, it has to be consumed, and it's not a sin to eat food, but I still can't stop thinking "I shouldn't have eaten that. I should be stretching out my food, make it last longer, because soon I'm going to run out again."

It's a very unhealthy way of looking at life, and this is why I have decided I hate being pore and never want to be pore again. Anyways, that same day I panicked when I realized all I had to eat once again was pasta, I called my parents, they put money in my account, and I finally went grocery shopping for the first time since I don't know when. Occasionally, I'll go buy one or two items, but as I have said, shopping stresses me out, so I usually wait until my parents can buy groceries for me. It was one of the most liberating feelings! To be able to go to the store and say, okay there is money in my account, so I don't need to feel guilty. I can buy food and not stress about it. I have felt so much better ever since. Even with work and quizzes and midterms and papers, I am a lot happier knowing that when I come home, there is food in my fridge.

So usually I post something inspirational I have learned in my college journeying. Well, I learned that I hate being pore. Yep, let that inspire you. Other than that, besides being super busy with school, life has been good. I'm making friends, friends in my classes, friends in my ward, and friends at work. I'm getting super excited for my mission. And I am considering switching my major to Human Development after all since all of the classes I want to take are human development classes, rather than classes about the family.

That is my life. It is crazy and I am crazy, but it is a good life.