Home Again

I'm back in Vegas again. It was a hard decision to come home for summer term. But I decided I really needed a break from school, I was getting burnt-out, and by staying at school I wasn't really getting ahead. So we had finals last week, that wasn't too bad, and then my parents came and picked me up on Thursday. I realized then how much stuff I had as not all of it would fit in the car. Our car was completely stuffed, I felt like a pretzel, and we couldn't see each other, there was so much stuff in the way. But I am home now. My parents and my brother and I went to the temple on Saturday and we are going to try to go once a week, but since the Las Vegas temple will be closed for a month, we are going to drive up to St. George on Friday. I'm excited for that. Saturday we also went to my cousin's graduation party and a wedding reception. Sunday was Father's Day and it was nice to have good food and play games with my family again. I've also been reunited with my best friend Lexi and so we worked out together today. We are training for a triathlon.

It feels extremely weird being here though. I already miss Provo. I got here and it felt like waking up from a dream. For a little bit I wondered if Provo really happened, because everything was the same here. The sights, the sounds, even the smell of everything was the same. Like I had stepped into the past. It was so strange. I'm still not used to it. It's like, I've left that part of me behind, and I don't want to go back to it. I like it here, but I don't want to go back to the way I used to live, to the old Celeste. I learned so much in Provo. I felt like I became someone.

You see, at BYU, the majority of students go through an identity crisis for a period of time. Because you get there and those things that define you in high school-suddenly everyone has those. Everyone plays the piano, everyone's smart, everyone's friendly, everyone's spiritual. And you wonder "who is me? What makes me different?" And the beautiful thing is, you find out just what does make you different. The high school definitions are gone, and you really see who you are. You become someone. I realized that I am more than the shy girl who played the piano and got straight A's in high school. I realized that there is so much more to me than that, and I shouldn't limit myself to that definition of myself.

Not only that but I gained so much confidence in the process. I was always so scared of what people thought about me, but having roommates who were wild and crazy made me realize that the people who really matter in your life, your true friends, are the ones who don't care how weird you are. The more I acted myself around people, the more I realized that everyone has their own bit of crazy, their own weird, their own awkwardness, and so if someone can't get over my weird, then they just don't matter.

It took me a while to come to that conclusion winter semester, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to be myself with my Spring term roommates. But right from the start, as soon as I met my roommate Ashley, I decided I wasn't going to care about what she thought, and I wasn't going to beat myself up every time I thought I said something stupid. I was just myself around her, and immediately we hit it off and became like sisters. I couldn't have asked for a better roommate.

So you see, I feel like I became someone at college. I have posted plenty of things that I have learned at college on the blog before. And now that I am home, I hope that I can just keep progressing, keep becoming the person I am supposed to be. I am looking at this as a new challenge: being able to face the past but not become the past.

With that, I shall end with Disney's famous and beautiful saying "keep moving forward." And to myself I say "welcome home."

My Testimony

Well lots have happened in the past two weeks. Midterms, ward activities, relief society activities, fire alarms, temple trips, running in the rain, drawing projects, spying on and making fun of EFY kids, preparing for a triathlon, getting a sunburn. Mostly all fun stuff, but nothing too terribly exciting to report about that anyone would be interested in. Except spying on the EFY kids was super fun. There was a little couple right outside our window and all of us were crowded around our window watching them awkwardly get closer and closer together, while we screamed at them to just kiss already. When they finally did, all of us cheered. It was SO funny. It's become our new favorite thing to do: creep on the EFY kids, naming them and narrating their week-long relationships.

Yesterday I was fed twice! Lunch at the Relief Society Activity, Dinner at the Ward Activity, and then today was fast Sunday, so no breakfast, and then there was a Break-the-Fast, so free lunch! I haven't had to make food for 4 meals in a row!

Spring semester is almost done. Only one more week of classes and then finals and then I move to Wyview for summer term. I'm starting to get pretty burned-out of school though. I so want a vacation. I like all of my classes, except for drawing, but I just really want to take a break. My drawing class isn't bad, but it's so boring! And my teacher really wasn't meant to be a teacher. Sure, he's a great artist, but he's not very good at teaching.

Yesterday I had a pretty weird dream. I don't really remember the beginning, and what I do remember doesn't make much sense (most of my dreams don't) so long story short, this man had captured me and I knew I was going to die, but I was calm. I knew without a doubt in the dream that I was about to go to my Heavenly Father. I knew that even if he killed me, I would simply be passing on. And I was struck with wonder in the dream, because I knew it with all my heart. I didn't die in the dream. I actually got away from the man. But that's not the point. I woke up and thought, "it's true. I do know that. With all my heart, I know that there is life after death, that I would go to the spirit world, and someday I would be with my family again."

I've always believed that, but I remember times when I've said my prayers late at night and not felt like anyone was listening. I believed, but a little part of me wondered "what if it's all fake? What if no one's there? What if I really am all alone?" It's been a long time though since I've wondered that. I noticed yesterday when I woke up, that I no longer ask myself that question. This past year has been filled with so many wonderful experiences, my testimony has grown so much, I know now without a doubt that there is a God and I am his daughter. There is no way I could question that.

My testimony has grown so much here at BYU, and I knew that and I have said that before, but it wasn't until I had that dream where I stood death in the face and was totally calm that I was able to measure just how much my testimony has grown. Why am I sharing this? Because I was told to bear my testimony as often as I could, and so while I bore my testimony in church today, I'm going to do it again.

I know that there is a Father in Heaven. I know that Jesus Christ is his son and he atoned for all of our sins and our sorrows. I know that he will always be there for me when I need him. I know that we will all live again, and I know that families can be together forever. I know that there are prophets on the earth today, and I know that Christ loves me and that I will return to live with him again.
This is my testimony. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.