Learning a new lesson...the hard way of course

So the past few weeks have been stressful to the max. I've barely had time to breathe. I felt and still somewhat feel like I am drowning in school and work. There is just so much to do. Sunday I had a nervous breakdown. Thank goodness for my roommate Lexi to hold me while I cry and to make me pumpkin muffins the next morning. This semester is definitely different than last year, though I was equally busy and stressed. The difference between last Fall and this Fall is that last time, I knew that if I did my very best, the Lord would make up the rest. And it always happened. Somehow, I always managed to get everything done, even when it seemed impossible, and I grew so close to the Lord because of it.

But this semester has been different. I don't get everything done, and I'm not doing as well as I want to be doing. I didn't feel like the Lord was helping me like he had been last fall. I felt forgotten and alone. And to add to that, I STILL don't know anyone in our ward. It's getting to be in my opinion ridiculous. We don't have Home Teachers, we don't have Visiting Teachers. We finally got an FHE family, but it's so big, there's no way I'm going to get to know anyone unless we break it up into smaller groups. So yes, Sunday I had a nervous breakdown, wishing I had a friend, wishing I had my mom, and crying out to the Lord in my head "Lord, why hast thou forsaken me? Why haven't you been there for me like you always have?"

Well yesterday I realized something and I would like to share with you. Sometimes, we are going to fail. We are going to mess up, and we cannot avoid it. And sometimes, the Lord lets us fail. Not because he is punishing us. But because he is trying to show us that we can stand up again after we fall. He doesn't always pick us right up, because he wants to show us that yes, we fell, and maybe we scraped our elbow, and maybe it hurts, but we can still get up and start again. Last year, I learned to trust in the Lord that he would always get me through the hard times. It was a wonderful experience for me, a great lesson. But now I'm learning a new lesson: to trust in the Lord even when it seems that he is not there. It is not that he has left you. It is not that he is punishing you. He is helping you to grow, and his love is all around you. But sometimes he lets you fail, so that he can show you what it is like to get up from the fall. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Well I better get back to studying. I just wanted to share this because I thought there might be someone in the same boat as me. Good luck on midterms everyone!